On Dave Chang's Burger Manifesto

Chef Dave Chang, he of Momofuku fame and the super interesting Lucky Peach site, wrote a hilarious article on his thoughts about burgers, aptly titled "My Burger Manifesto"

It is especially funny because I am right in the middle of a really muggy summer and I am chained to my computer table trying to grade papers for my masters level students and I just wanted to be entertained - and this little rant is just what I needed because really, I would love to rant and drop bombs and confess that I can say whatever I want and if I go against my own words, then so what? I would love to not have any time to write, but still write something hella-funny anyway and not care about the tone or how people take things or if I hurt someone's feelings. Anyway, did I say it was super muggy?

So read his manifesto and let it inspire you to be truthful too. 

Here's my truth. I really do not like meat, not because I am protesting the meat industry, the inhumane treatment of animals or the cancer-causing hormones injected in our meat supplies, although those are bad. I just don't like meat. The fat and oil that comes off meat makes me ill. I blame it on my lack of a gall bladder but it probably also stems from my not wanting to drink water and therefore storing all kinds of toxins or whatever. I feel better when I don't eat meat for most of my meals. I like doing dishes more when there is no grease.

My other truth: I like a good burger, but the best burgers exist in my mind and nowhere else. I like my husband's burgers because he gets a good quality meat, grills it to medium rare and doesn't fuss with other stuff. If I go out, the best burgers are McDonald's cheeseburgers. I order burgers if we are a a burger place but I still prefer a McDonalds cheeseburgers. It's small enough that I don't care that it's overcooked. It should be cooked well since I don't know what kind of meat they use. I only like American cheese on a McDonald's cheeseburger and I like the simplicity, a little bit of ketchup, a little bit of yellow mustard (so mild it's tasteless) and a little bit of salty, sour pickles. The bun is squishy and there is no lettuce that is steamed soggy. It's not fussy, it's consistent and it's nostalgic. 

You disagree? Good.